Rocking Reading Raani

Powerful female role models

On Wednesday morning, my time - a couple hours ahead of the United States, I was berating myself. I referred to myself as a genius and better than Einstein.  My tone was insulting. That's where the berating comes in. Yes, I try to berate *up*. 

 

In the midst of all of that, I wondered, what about women scientists, who could I use instead of men? I could only think of Marie Curie. Yes, I have moments of lucidity while raging about something. I also thought, "blog topic!"

Then, later that day, I saw the ReFAB post by Krissie http://reinventingfabulous.com/?p=214 and thought, "huh, she's asking a role model question - I just did that." Then I thought "huh, there's a surplus of actresses." Which is fine, I'm not judging, I have that list too. They are highly visible, it's natural. I certainly couldn't think of a wide range of women, which is why earlier that morning I was stuck on Madame Curie.

 

During the course of that day and the next after Krissie put up the composite list, I've since come up with Jane Goodall, the environmental scientist. And because of their high visual profile, women in politics like Angela Merkel, Indira Gandhi, Aung Sang Suu Kyi and just as I was typing - Cleopatra. 

 

I tried to think of women closer to my age and ended up back at an actress, Mayim Bialik - wife, mother, scientist and writer who used to be Blossom but is now Amy on The Big Bang Theory. Natalie Portman gets a mention for having had her name on a journal article/paper published recently. 

I'm adding authors to the list. I have to mention Jenny Crusie. And all our other Bettyfabulous authors - including but not limited to Lani and Krissie.

I am a fan of Bettany Hughes  the academic who has such a love of history and a positive way of delivering the content. If she's not on some History/Discovery/PBS/BBC channel near you, rent 300, watch the film and then watch the extras where she explains the history. Compare her to the guys. She beats all. (Warning: 300 has stylised violence but is really worth the watch.)

JK Rowling gets a mention in my list as a role model for having a family too. Jane Austen doesn't for dying young and alone.  

YOUR MISSION SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT: While sitting here do a free association and type as many names of women role models in varied professions. Okgobang.

___________Gratitude__________

Having good friends who just by their presence make things better.

All of y'all for the support. Still in gasping doggy paddle mode, not quite swimming.

Readit: Agnes and the Hitman + Tangled + Extras

I read Agnes and the Hitman. In one sitting of just over three hours. Yup, I crazy like that.

I loved this book. I love just about anything Crusie but damn! I LOVED THIS BOOK.

I haven't read any Mayer, mainly because I didn't know he wrote as Robert Doherty. Which explains why I couldn't find his novels. WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?

The humour was fast paced and written in-novel. Even though physical humour was used, it wasn't slapstick at all. The characters had depth and the dialogue nuanced. (Huh, reviewer word, check me out!)

The book reminded me of Bet Me in it's structure and characterisation. Or should I say characterisations? There were a lot of characters. But each so well drawn, I didn't mix them up or lose track.

It is going to be a book that I re-read often. It'll be a go-to as a pick-me-up, a boredom release or just for the pleasure of reading the well crafted work of supreme wordsmiths. Thank you Crusie and Mayer.

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This is the joke I'm referencing in my title today.

There was a librarian is working away when a chicken enters the library and walks up to her desk. The chicken clucks, 'Book, book, book, BOOK!'

The librarian sets a pile of four books in front of the chicken. The chicken grabs them and disappears out the front door.

About an hour later, the librarian sees the same chicken come into the library. It sets the four books down on the desk and again squawks, 'Book, book, book, BOOK!'

The librarian wonders what the chicken is doing with these books, but since they seem to be in fine shape, she takes the returns and gives the chicken 4 more books. The chicken zips out the door and down the road.

Another hour passes and the librarian hears a loud 'Book, book, book, BOOK!' She looks up from her work and sees the chicken back yet again! By now, the librarian's curiosity has gotten the better of her. She gives the chicken four more books and it heads for the door. This time, as soon as the chicken is gone, the librarian jumps up and runs to the door. She follows the chicken down the road for a half mile to an old farm. The chicken ducks through the fence and disappears into a cluster of trees.
The librarian hops the fence, and sneaks up to the trees. As she moves some branches aside, she sees the chicken standing by a pond handing each book to a frog. As the frog looks at the cover of each book, he says, 'Read It. Read It. Read It. ...'
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I FINALLY watched Tangled today. I am now officially crushing on Zachary Levi. One of the best vocal performances I've ever heard. With some actors, you hear themselves only or a character that they've done previously in another film or TV show (as in Mr Incredible - Craig T. Nelson).

I watch Chuck a LOT but not once in Tangled did I hear the same pitch or pacing from him. AWESOME. I might do a review of Tangled. We'll see.

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Post recap on the Four Agreements for someone who might be coming by to read them. It looks like I haven't done two of them. Now I know.  

 29 June 2010  http://sarahv2000.typepad.com/blog/2010/06/always-do-your-best.html 

 18 Dec 2010 http://sarahv2000.typepad.com/blog/2010/12/take-things-generally.html

15 Dec 2010  http://sarahv2000.typepad.com/blog/2010/12/recap-the-four-agreements.html

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Gratitude

My job. It is where I need to be. I am blessed.

Good friends to laugh with.

Zachary Levi.  :-D

Living - A very Crusie New Year to you.

I’ve been thinking of this post for a few days now. It’s the obligatory New Year post. That said, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

 

This was my thought regarding New Year and resolutions and the ideas of living life. What if I died tomorrow?

 

If I died tomorrow, while all of y’all would be naturally devastated at my untimely (and probably catastrophic, as I am healthy) demise, I would have a cluttered and somewhat untidy room to show for it. I shudder at the thought of someone having to pick through my stuff and make sense of it. It's not fair to leave this for grieving souls to contend with. That ain't right.

 

If I died tomorrow, there’d be a few clothes in my cupboard that I wouldn’t want to be seen dead in. And y’all could bet good money that they’d dress me up in that stuff. 

 

If I died tomorrow, I would have three books by my favourite author, Jenny Crusie (www.arghink.com), sitting on my shelf, unread. I won an autographed copy of Maybe This Time from The Debutante’s Ball blog and it and two other books arrived at my post office on American Thanksgiving. I had reason to b very thankful indeed.

 

At the time, I was in the midst of exams and, in an act of supreme self-control, I set them aside to focus on finals. This took great willpower and extreme dedication. I will usually choose a Crusie book over any most things, at the cracking of a cover. And once I start, I have to go all the way to the end.

 

Delaying gratification definitely worked because of the 4 papers that I wrote, there was not a score under 75%. Let’s pause for a “Booyah!” right there.

 

Done? Ok, onward. 

 

Since then, I’ve been saving the books as a reward for finishing my cleaning up and organising my lesson plans. But I have been very slow in doing these things and have somehow managed to not touch the Crusies. I have read other books including romances and two Neil Gaiman books.

 

Let’s review. Were I to die tomorrow, there would be three brand new, never-before-read Crusies on my bookshelf.

 

That ain’t right. It can’t be right.

 

It reminds me of the people who save many things for special occasions and the special occasion never happens or it turns out to be disappointing. I know many people have clothes that are a smaller size than what they are currently, that they keep as incentive to “fit into again.” It’s also the ladies who say, I’ll go to the beach when I can fit into my bikini, thus robbing themselves of the very cardio activities that would facilitate their fitness goals.

 

I think I finally understand that sort of thinking. We live a life in perpetual “wait,” waiting for when things are right, rather than living in the moment. 

 

In our upbringing we are conditioned with rewards. If there is a potential for reward, then we believe that we are likely to finish what we need to and subsequently enjoy the reward. But we often procrastinate or reward ourselves with defeating stimuli – “I maintained my diet for a week, so I’ll have the chocolate brownie topped with nuts and fresh whipped cream on the side.” The brownie is the gateway food to other misses.

 

This classical conditioning stimulus-reward life is not one that I want to live. I want a balanced life. And in 2010, I was fortunate to have moments where I put that into action. I want more of that. And since I know what it looks like, I think I need to state it in the positive “I have a balanced life.”

 

Instead of a all or nothing, approach, it’s going to be about a little bit daily. Instead of trying to declutter and organise in one big push, it’s going to come down to daily habit building – “put things away immediately, file docs as soon as they are actioned”. Instead of reading novels in one sitting and losing sleep because I stay up till 1am, I’m going to try to read a bit at a time, and stop. Reading the whole book might be an "in the moment" action but it is self-sabotaging because in that moment after one chapter, I need my sleep so that I can be a good teacher the next day.

 

These are not resolutions in the traditional form. These are things that I need to do so that I’m living in the moment. Being organized helps me to do that. But waiting for Saturday morning to organize does not.

 

Its not about a life of shoulds, it’s a case of mixing in the responsibilities and the pleasures daily in frequent doses to achieve the desired outcomes.

 

I am not gripped by New Year fervour to “seize the day,” I’ve been ruminating on this for a few days now and a truly Carpe Diem life is probably a little bit more deliberate than the exhortations. So I’m being deliberate about it.

 

I won’t dive into the Crusies yet, for the simple reason that I have 5 other unread books waiting for me. I expect to live to start them all and read them, while still having a full life of work, friends, family and fun. I am going to simply try to "Do my Best" as discussed here http://sarahv2000.typepad.com/blog/2010/06/always-do-your-best.html 

 

What are your things that you have put on hold? And how has it turned out to be self-defeating. What makes you feel like Edna Mode from The Incredibles who says “Go. Confront the problem. Fight. Win.” And were you able to do so, successfully?

What's the New Year plan? Or if no plan, what are the ideas? Mine is to gym to be more flexible like River in Serenity - I gym anyway so it's not a resolutionary stretch (pun intended!)

 

 

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Gratitude

The whole lot of socialising I did in 2010 and the really good friends that I made. Thanks to the new face-to-face friends, I made a few more online friends too!

Seeing out the old year and welcoming the new year with my friend’s family. Her parents, sibling and cousins all made me welcome and I laughed so hard that my cheeks and stomach hurt and I still laugh aloud at the memory of the fun we had.

Adult beverages with apocalyptic names are really nice in moderation and even better when you mainline water afterward. I was smugly well today.

Pleasant exhaustion from dancing. Yay for humour and dancing like nobody’s watching!

This blog, which made me focus my realisations and put them out there for validation, discussion, comment and enjoyment.

Recap - The Four Agreements

The Four Agreements

 

The last time I discussed an “agreement” I wrote about always doing your best. But I think we need a little bit more of an introduction to the concepts of the book The Four Agreements.

 

The agreements concept comes from the idea that we all agree to certain things – who we are, and how to behave thanks to the domestication by the world around us. Domestication is a process that occurs where we learn to believe in the illusion we call life. Others in our lives reinforce how to live – we are told if we are good or bad, we are told if others are good or bad – and so we learn to judge. I think generally this is referred to as socialisation.

 

We are rewarded for certain thoughts and actions and pretty soon, these are the rules we live by. We agree to them without outwardly saying “I agree.” We become judges and victims and judge others for not following the rules and victims when others don’t follow our rules.

 

But here’s the kicker – EVERYONE has their own frame of reference. Nobody, not even a twin sibling is going to think exactly like you. And this is where suffering comes from – our judgment and victimhood.

 

To stop being controlled by agreements we made before knowing we made them, The Four Agreements offers a few simple ideas to help use create agreements that are true to ourselves and not just adapted from our socializing environments.

 

I’m going to discuss them in the order I feel fits, so bear with me. Next post ;-)

 

 

Reference:

Ruiz, M. (1997). The four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book. San Rafael: Amber-Allen

 

 

Gratitude

1. The car that I do have – I get to use in during daylight and that is a lot more than most people have.

2. My new 2011 diary – so that I can start making the BIG plans

Pray for Rain by feeling it

In Gregg Braden's Secrets of The Lost Mode of Prayer - he describes watching a Shaman friend pray for rain. And it's over in a short time - no rain dance, no laments or requests.

Rather, he explains that prayer for something needs to be felt. Imagine what it feels like to have what you are praying for. Put yourself in the mode of being and having rather than need and wanting.

I've been praying for many things but we need rain in my region. We are in need, everything is dry, while Pakistan floods. Here are some of my facebook updates as feeling the prayer.

 Yesterday:    Rain. Individual drops as they dot your windshield. Small drops joining small drops to link together, creating veins of water as they run down the glass. Residue left as you turn the wipers on. And the cycle begins again.

Today:      I'm still praying for rain. Fat, heavy raindrops as they dot your face and stick on your eyelashes. More and more as your hair gets wetter and wetter and the water rolls down your neck into your clothes. We need Rain. Pray for rain by feeling it.

Join me in the being of prayer rather than the want. What do you need to pray for? And how?

Always do your Best

This instruction comes from many people but the source I'm going to focus on The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Always do your best is the last of the four agreements and while I will discuss the others later, this revealed itself as "pick me, pick me" for this post.

Yesterday's post was not particularly well-written and I was a little unhappy with it. Then I remembered "Always do your best" and what I love about Ruiz's version is that he says "...keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good."

I am achieving a lot of what I set out to do, I'm just doing it at a slower pace than anticipated but it is still being done. And taking action because I want to do it helps me to do my best, and Ruiz states "Action is about living fully. ... You can have many great ideas in your head, but what makes the difference is action."

I did act after writing the post - I went for a pilates class and after, I was looking at the schedule outside another studio and an acquaintance who was inside, noticed me and came to say "Hi' as their in-progress dance class was on a water break. I ended up joining the class! Stayed for the remaining 45 minutes and felt good for it. 

My best will vary from day to day, situation to situation but I will aim for it as it is the best that I do for me and not for external reward.

Read the books or empty the mind

I’ve been cleaning up and reading and watching FIFA world cup on our not so big screen tv and still dipping in and out of mopeyness. I have been using visual and literary stimuli to pick myself up – I read bits of Faking It again, then I watched the fake trailers at the beginning of Tropic Thunder with the cast commentary running – Robert Downey Jr is beyond hilarious, then I watched the bakery scene in the Great Race – hence the link the other day.

I now have a lot of clutter to sort – it’s been pulled out of the cupboards/closets and piled on the floor. The books are safely on the shelf – YAY! I did have a bit of a “moment” as I can’t find one.

My Growth Quest™ almost stopped when I couldn’t find my copy of The Dance. It re-started as I did have The Invitation and The Call (all by Oriah Mountain Dreamer). I was thrilled to find my copy of The Four Agreements (Don Miguel Ruiz) which I need.

Note - I’m not going totally alternative on this quest – I’m reading my economists – Ariely, Sunstein, Thaler and Levitt – too.

Then, I noticed my Zen books and realised that they would tell me to empty my mind – and throw out anything, if there was nothing to throw out, I should carry it out.

This is a nice contradictory point in my development. ;-) :-D

I realise that the books are somewhat of a security blanket. That sometimes, instead of using them as a guide to unlock ideas and reveal insight, I’m reading and not practising. I know that I don’t have the kind of time needed to do all the meditations from The Invitation, heck I haven’t even had time to do deep breathing exercises to get relaxed. It is easier to “grow” when relaxed rather than straining and stressed. So, another book is not going to do much for me.

I need to live this process not just the learning, but the everyday life.

The Zen saying of “before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water, after enlightenment, chop wood and carry water” is one of my favourite because it tells you that life has to be lived while on the path. Not everyone has the opportunity to indulge him or herself with a leave of absence from life to “find ourselves.”

This post ends with a solution of sorts – continue to read, learn and try to understand things about myself AND make the time to meditate and do breathing exercises daily. The Zen “emptying the mind” will help me to organise everything as it comes rushing out the recesses of my subconscious.

Romance vs Chick lit

Many, many, many moons ago I was in a conversation with a book-loving friend and someone I didn't know well.  We were discussing books and I was professing my love for Jennifer Crusie's books.

The someone-else looked puzzled and she said, "Oh, what's she write?"

My book-loving friend who reads everything from Christina Dodd to Gena Showalter (and the As, Bs, Cs, and Ts to Zs) said, "She writes chick-lit."

I think a part of me recoiled in repudiation of the term and I said, "She's a a romance author."

Later, when the someone-else was gone I tried to explain to my friend - chick-lit is Marion Keyes or Helen Fielding. It focuses on the woman and her personality in relation to her life. Romance has the relationship as the main point in the story and how heroine's personality contrubutes to the conflict and later resolution in the relationship.

I know that all of Ms Crusie's heroines have "issues" but I don't think the issues take the centre stage in the novel. I think that the relationship does. I know that there's a slim-to-none chance of another book like "Bet Me" being written by Ms Crusie but even in collaborations I feel as if she is still writing Romances.

I tend toward being a Romance reader - if I look at the library and borrowed-from-a-pal books on my shelf right now - Gena Showalter, Amanda Quick, Shayla Black, Stephanie Laurens, Julie Anne Long, Sylvia Day and Nalini Singh. I'm not sure that I'm qualified to discuss chick-lit. I've read one Marion Keyes and one or two more similar books and promptly forgot most of the aspects of the stories.

I open it to the floor. Please discuss. :-)

Please note that my brain is a bit fried - my to-be-read pile for school is still too high and I'm already a week and hump-day into my reading time. This does not include the stuff I have to search for on "special-needs" education. Back to work (well, after the gym!)

If It Weren't For You

As is the nature of personal growth, sometimes we come across aspects that we thought we had dealt with. At least, I felt that since I was aware of this aspect of my personality/behaviour then I was less likely to engage in it. This weekend I engaged in Game Playing and I did not realise that I had done so until this morning.

 

I have enjoyed the insight in Eric Berne’s Games People Play before, and it is here that we start our story. This book was first published in 1964, and was subtitled “The Psychology of Human Relationships.” In short (and with slight grasp of the theory), the book outlines the idea that just as humans require stimulus for survival we also require recognition. We engage in various interactions to obtain this recognition and one level of interaction is game playing.

 

Berne is also recognised as identifying the concepts of inner Parent, Adult, Child that we shift between as we interact. As an example: sometimes, if our boss gives us an instruction, instead of doing it like an employed adult, we might respond like a child to his or her parents with resistance such as “Why do I gotta do it?” (defined by Jennifer Cruisie as meeping ;-) )

 

Berne named the games with the help of students, clients and fellow researchers. They range from simple names like “Debtor’ to the detailed like “Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a Bitch.”

 

The Game I played is called, “If It Weren’t For You.”

 

Berne, in explanation, describes a case of a woman who marries a domineering man who will “restrict her activities and keep her from getting into situations that frighten her.” If she understood what she was doing, she would be grateful for his assistance to keeping her safe. Instead, she complains by saying, “If it weren’t for you.” She gains an advantage over him. Its the more complicated interaction, it allows her to avoid her fear but still feel good about herself. I think a person like this would not admit to the fear because they are unaware that they are afraid.

 

So, to my Game. I wanted to go to out to an event at the end of this month - keep in mind that my family don’t usually take to evening events.  On Friday night I suggested that we go, as I could get tickets from a friend who’s companions had cancelled on her. Tickets are hard to come by. My parents refused. On Saturday I informed my friend of this development. On Sunday, my mother says, “Ok, maybe we should go.” Argh. I then played, if it weren’t for you – but not in so many words. I got to tell her that I’d already refused the tickets.

 

It is only today that I realised what I’d done. I can see the advantage that I gain is having an example to show my mother of how their refusal to allow me to do certain things has affected my life negatively.

 

I’m still trying to determine the source of my fear.  This is fear in terms of Berne’s “situations that frighten.” I think it comes down to the fact that the family frowns on going to nightclubs, concerts, sporting events etc. because of the fear of what could happen to me. I think I’ve internalised that fear. I spoke before about the instances when my lack of fear came up against their fear. This was one of those times, but instead of taking initiative, getting tickets and just going, I took the opportunity to play “If It Weren’t for You”.

 

Dang, this growth thing is HARD. Now to see if I can’t get other tickets and just go. That’ll be facing this fear. Wish me luck and while doing that, tell me about games you play.

Sorting books

I'm a bit of a clutter-bug. I keep stuff. I keep books and newspaper articles and files and letters and records and more books and more articles. Once it begins to annoy, I go on a de-clutter, only to have the problem recur. I've realised that if I sort out my mind, I'll sort out my physical space too.

I need to isolate this poverty conciousness that makes me hold onto books and articles and information. I suspect that I am afraid of being "stupid", or "ignorant" and would rather hold onto sources of knowledge "just-in-case."

Oddly enough though, my storage tendencies have been validated! I'm currently studying and because my course focuses on what the US calls Kindergarten to Grade 3, I need all of my old books.

I think that I need the fairytales, the picture dictionaries and the Enid Blytons. I've decided that I'm going to unpack the boxes of books from my childhood and put the relevant ones on this shelf for easy access.

I've already got rid of a closet and brought in the "old" bookshelf - the one that had served me through high school and university. Turns out I really need it now.

For now, I have about six boxes of books, sittiing on the garage floor, waiting for me to sort. Maybe I'll sort a few into a purge pile and see what happens.  If the sky doesn't fall, maybe I'll purge a few more.